The Lysandre Cafe is...very red, I suppose--
Professor, would you please stop talking to the main villain of the fucking game about Mega Evolution?! Goddamn it, you are going to doom us all--!
So wait, Lysandre is the descendant of the King of Kalos' younger brother? Oh...that's...I don't know what to make of that, really--
Okay, so I'm getting some insight into the cray-cray mind of Lysandre; he doesn't like people who use their strength to take from others as opposed to give to others. That's actually kind of noble...were it not for the whole "They're filth!" outburst.
And apparently, the king wanted to take everything and created a weapon and then everything was destroyed? What the fuck is going on here?! What kind of lore is this--?
Oh shit...I think Lysandre wants to find this weapon and use it to destroy a bunch of shit. That cannot be good--
Oh, a King's Rock. Well...I suppose you aren't all that bad, Sandy. Tootles.
Trevor? What's up? Why are you calling me?
Route 14? Hell yeah, let's do it.
Hey Trevor, hey Serena. How's it going--?
Oh, for fuck's sake, Serena? Another battle? And you only have three Pokemon. Bitch, if you lead with the same goddamned team as before, I--
You...I just...Lucario, please...
Oh ho, you have a Chenaught now? Very nice. Still, I'm going to ruin you. A Grass/Fighting Pokemon is no match against a Poison-type move like Venoshock, and Venusaur is packing that shit hard.
Entire battle concluded through one-hit K.O.'s. Honestly, Serena...you should just go home. What happened to your Fletchling or your Bunnelby from earlier? A Diggersby and a Talonflame would be awesome right about now! Sure, Talonflame is reliable, but Diggersby though...
His ears are ARMS--!
I'm sorry, did you just say there was a scary house by Laverre City? I...I don't...no. Goddamn it, why am I always dealing with scary houses? I don't wanna deal with that shit!
Creepy abandoned swingset at night...in the rain...by the forest...with candy on the ground. This is some fucked up shit right here.
And I'm also knee deep in puddle-muck. Awesome. I hate this--
The puddles are tall grass?! Oh shit! I did not realize that!
And there are Quagsire here? Makes sense. Gotta love me some Quagsire.
Quagsire: A Water/Ground-type Pokemon. It's immune to Electric-type attacks, but is x4 weak to Grass-type attacks. A solid contender, especially since it can be bred to have the Unaware ability, which cancels out the stat changes of other Pokemon...which wipes out a solid 30% of all moves. Which is awesome.
OH FUCK OFF, THIS TRAINER HAS A GOOMY?!? I WANT A GOOMY--!!
Yay, caught a Goomy!
Goomy: A Dragon-type Pokemon. A pure Dragon-type, but they have a unique hidden ability which lowers an opponent's Speed whenever they get hit. That's nasty shit. That's real nasty shit.
But there are wild Haunter here, too?!? I want a Haunter!!!
And...and there's Stunfisk. I...God...I just...fine.
Stunfisk: An Electric/Ground-type Pokemon. It is the only Pokemon of it's type combo...and the only Electric-type Pokemon that I really don't like. It doesn't evolve, its stats aren't very good, and it not only adds three additional weaknesses to itself, but half of its move-pool can't even hit Flying-types anymore. Why...why are you?
Oh, this creepy chick by the pond just gave me the TM for Toxic! Oh, Venusaur...you're going to be very happy.
Shit...there's the house. I...I don't wanna go inside just yet--
Being forced in. Awesome...I hate this.
And...scary story time. Fuck this shit. Fuck this entire forest. I'm done here. Nope. See ya.
Christ, where the hell are the Haunters?! I saw like three of them and I accidentally knocked them all out, but once I have a plan to capture them, they don't show up. That's a load of shit. Eh, I guess I'll just have to go back for one later
Laverre City is pretty nice. There's a fan-club chapter here and the guy gave me an Effort Ribbon for my Venusaur, there's a little guy with a Torment TM, and--
Gengarite?! GODDAMN IT I NEED THAT HAUNTER! I don't think I'll need it for the gym in this town, though...so let's do that first, then get my Haunter. I can't trade him yet to get my Gengar, so an awesome Ghost/Poison-type for the Fairy Gym won't be in the works...but with Blaziken, Venusaur, and Lucario, I will not be stopped easily.
Oh fuck my duck, it's a teleporter gym like Saffron City. Awesome...I FUCKING HATE THIS!
Laverre City Gym: Valerie, the First of Her Kind
Before we begin, I must first warn you that you are going to be taking big steps here. So long as I've played, the "Sixth Gym" has always been the true curveball of the leagues. Hoenn took Falkner's degradation of the Flying-type and breathed new life into it by making every Flying-type on her team not only varied in type, but varied in resistances so that you can't simply use one Pokemon to sweep the team. In Johto, Jasmine broke new ground and introduced the world to the Steel-type Pokemon and brought forth a bastion of pain and unyielding might to teach you about it...her Steelix. In Kanto, there was Sabrina; I need say nothing more about Sabrina than this: Fuck Recover.
Now, you need to make a choice: what kind of gym leader will you be? Will you be cunning and ruthless like your "Sixth Gym" predecessors...or are you gonna Falk it all up?
OPPONENT #1: MAWILE, Lv. 38 (Steel/Fairy-type)
Excellent...you've turned the fact that Fairy-types are weak to Poison and you've made your first Pokemon immune to it while simultaneously turning its only other weakness (Steel) from a double-damage-dealer to a regular-damage-dealer. Well played. Fortunately for me, you've also weakened yourself to Fighting-type attacks, which now do regular damage...and you're doubly-weak to Fire.
CONTENDER #1: BLAZIKEN, Lv. 50 (Fire/Fighting-type)
I'm going to hold off on the Mega Evolution because I believe Venusaur would need that most, but Flame Charge will increase Blaziken's Speed by two levels when it joins up with Speed Boost, and that may prove very useful. Blaziken, use Flame Charge!
And it's a one-hit knockout.
OPPONENT #2: MR. MIME, Lv. 39 (Psychic/Fairy-type)
Excellent! Now, if I were to present a Poison-type, you will have super-effectiveness against it, as well as x4 resistance to Fighting-type attacks! I am impressed, especially since Steel-types are usually very good on Defense...but not Special Defense, making a Psychic/Fairy-type a dangerous Special Attack-based threat. However, Lucario still knows Shadow Claw, and that's your one true weakness at this point...a Ghost-type attack!
CONTENDER #1: LUCARIO, Lv. 50 (Fighting/Steel-type)
Shadow Claw hits and it's another O.H.K.O. Fantastic.
OPPONENT #3: SYLVEON, Lv. 42 (Fairy-type)
And an excellent choice for your final Fairy, Valerie. This finally forces me to put my Poison-type into play.
CONTENDER #1: VENUSAUR, Lv. 50 (Grass/Poison-type)
You've played a solid theoretical game, Valerie, but playtime is over--
Oh, Venusaur isn't holding Veusaurite? Damn--oh wait, he's holding Black Sludge. Okay, we're still done with playtime, though.
Hit it with Toxic!
Sylveon responds with Swift, which knocks out 20 HP, but the Black Sludge recovers 9.
Now...end it. Venoshock.
Obliteration.
The Fairy Badge is now mine, as is the Dazzling Gleam TM. This is a very nice Fairy-type move to have. Gardevoir, you'll have to forget that rogue Thunderbolt and learn a new STAB move.
And no sooner do I take a step outside do Trevor and Shauna demand that I go to the Poke Ball factory with them. Ugh...all aboard the plot-train.
Laverre City Gym: Valerie, the First of Her Kind
Before we begin, I must first warn you that you are going to be taking big steps here. So long as I've played, the "Sixth Gym" has always been the true curveball of the leagues. Hoenn took Falkner's degradation of the Flying-type and breathed new life into it by making every Flying-type on her team not only varied in type, but varied in resistances so that you can't simply use one Pokemon to sweep the team. In Johto, Jasmine broke new ground and introduced the world to the Steel-type Pokemon and brought forth a bastion of pain and unyielding might to teach you about it...her Steelix. In Kanto, there was Sabrina; I need say nothing more about Sabrina than this: Fuck Recover.
Now, you need to make a choice: what kind of gym leader will you be? Will you be cunning and ruthless like your "Sixth Gym" predecessors...or are you gonna Falk it all up?
OPPONENT #1: MAWILE, Lv. 38 (Steel/Fairy-type)
Excellent...you've turned the fact that Fairy-types are weak to Poison and you've made your first Pokemon immune to it while simultaneously turning its only other weakness (Steel) from a double-damage-dealer to a regular-damage-dealer. Well played. Fortunately for me, you've also weakened yourself to Fighting-type attacks, which now do regular damage...and you're doubly-weak to Fire.
CONTENDER #1: BLAZIKEN, Lv. 50 (Fire/Fighting-type)
I'm going to hold off on the Mega Evolution because I believe Venusaur would need that most, but Flame Charge will increase Blaziken's Speed by two levels when it joins up with Speed Boost, and that may prove very useful. Blaziken, use Flame Charge!
And it's a one-hit knockout.
OPPONENT #2: MR. MIME, Lv. 39 (Psychic/Fairy-type)
Excellent! Now, if I were to present a Poison-type, you will have super-effectiveness against it, as well as x4 resistance to Fighting-type attacks! I am impressed, especially since Steel-types are usually very good on Defense...but not Special Defense, making a Psychic/Fairy-type a dangerous Special Attack-based threat. However, Lucario still knows Shadow Claw, and that's your one true weakness at this point...a Ghost-type attack!
CONTENDER #1: LUCARIO, Lv. 50 (Fighting/Steel-type)
Shadow Claw hits and it's another O.H.K.O. Fantastic.
OPPONENT #3: SYLVEON, Lv. 42 (Fairy-type)
And an excellent choice for your final Fairy, Valerie. This finally forces me to put my Poison-type into play.
CONTENDER #1: VENUSAUR, Lv. 50 (Grass/Poison-type)
You've played a solid theoretical game, Valerie, but playtime is over--
Oh, Venusaur isn't holding Veusaurite? Damn--oh wait, he's holding Black Sludge. Okay, we're still done with playtime, though.
Hit it with Toxic!
Sylveon responds with Swift, which knocks out 20 HP, but the Black Sludge recovers 9.
Now...end it. Venoshock.
Obliteration.
The Fairy Badge is now mine, as is the Dazzling Gleam TM. This is a very nice Fairy-type move to have. Gardevoir, you'll have to forget that rogue Thunderbolt and learn a new STAB move.
And no sooner do I take a step outside do Trevor and Shauna demand that I go to the Poke Ball factory with them. Ugh...all aboard the plot-train.
Greninja, Lv. 51
Venusaur, Lv. 51
Lucario, Lv. 50
Blaziken, Lv. 50
Gardevoir, Lv. 43
Gabite, Lv. 42
Badges: 6
