Colon Toast

First few steps into Coumarine City and I get a Good Rod.  Nice place.  I'm liking it here.  Where's the Pokemon Center and where is the gym?

Wandered off and got TM 100: Confide for answering a quiz from this bitch.  The answer to the quiz? Confide.  Well played--I'd get another TM tomorrow?! Sweet! I'll be there! Where is everything else?

I have to take the monorail to get to the gym and the Pokemon Center? Fine, I guess--

Diantha? What are yo doing here--?

PROFESSOR SYCAMORE! GAH! YOU--HOW?!

HM 02: Fly? I...I'll take it.  Thank you.  I'm gonna need my Ducklett now...but maybe I should just give it to Fletchinder for now.  I mean, I still have Aerial Ace as a TM...I just need to find a move deleter.  Then again, I never use Agility, so--Diantha, what the fuck are you still doing here?

Oh...a battle the next time we meet? I, uh...okay? Bye? What the fuck was that about?

Eh...monorail time.  So French.

A Metronome? If I use one move over and over again, that move's power will increase.  Not bad for a Pokemon who knows something like Rollout.

Okay, so what's there to find on this side of the city--?

Hey, the gym appears to be in another cave of some--

AHH! SERENA! Shit, I was not expecting you so soon.  Fortunately, I have my team swapped out for stuff that should take out a Grass-type gym very quickly.  Please tell me you've made smarter choices this time around?

The same Meowstic, just slightly higher level? Sigh...Fletchinder, come back.  I'm sending out my Mega Lucario and giving this thing a chance to do something before I wreck house with Shadow Claw.

One hit K.O. after a weak Fakeout attack.  If you send out Absol, I'm going to weep for you--

Absol.

Force Palm.  Need I say more?

And now the Quilladin.  Back out goes Fletchinder to wreck you again.

Embers all around, and you're done--

Fletchinder?! WHAT?!? EVOLVING?!?

TALONFLAME!!!!!!! SUPERIOR BEING!!!!

Talonflame:  A Fire/Flying-type Pokemon.  This motherfucker looks boss as hell.  The Dreadhawk.  Still 4x weak to Rock-type attacks, but hey, who really gives a shit at this point? I have a flaming hawk.

Well, if there's nothing keeping me from the gym...I guess I might as well check her out.  I mean, I do have a Talonflame now, and that thing is nasty.

Hey! This is the place from the trailer with all the swingy vines and shit! Cool!

Old man Ramos? Okay, Ramos...get ready for me and my searing fires of justice!

Also, I taught my Combusken Poison Jab and gave him the Poison Barb to increase the power of all Poison-type moves he uses...so...yeah.  There's also that to worry about.

Oh...and he's a Blaziken now, thanks to your apprentices.

Blaziken:  A Fire/Fighting-type Pokemon.  This guy...this guy...so much this guy.  The first starter to be banned from competitive play because of its broken power level.  He hits hard, hits fast, and doesn't give a shit.

And he now knows Blaze Kick.  Actually, you know what? I'm gonna you absolutely no chance here.  I'm taking the Poison Barb and re-equipping his Blazikenite.  And why is that? Because the first trainer I found in your gym had a Simisage.

Fuck those monkeys.

Coumarine City Gym: Ramos, the Oldest Gym Leader Ever

Older than Pryce of Mahogany Town, I'll presume.

OPPONENT #1: JUMPLUFF, Lv. 30 (Grass/Flying-type)

CONTENDER #1: BLAZIKEN, Lv. 38 (Fire/Fighting-type)

You understand that there is nothing to stop me? I am the fastest thing alive and I will rip you apart.  Blaziken! Mega Evolve and use Blaze Kick!

Hells yeah! Mega Blaziken gonna shove his fiery foot up your ass! COLON TOAST--!

IT AVOIDED THE ATTACK?!?! NO COLON TOAST?!?! COME ON!!!

Okay, so it takes a substantial hit from the Jumpluff's Acrobatics and I'm down to 61/117 health.  Can we try the colon toast again?

Now it hits and Jumpluff explodes.

OPPONENT #2: GOGOAT, Lv. 34 (Grass-type)

CONTENDER #1: MEGA BLAZIKEN, Lv. 38 (Fire/Fighting-type)

Not risking the poor accuracy.  Gonna go straight for Poison Jab--

IT SURVIVED?!?! By the seat of its pants, but it survived--and was poisoned.

Gogoat responds with Bulldoze and knocks Blaziken down to 26 HP.  Granted, the poisoning takes it out in the next turn, but good gravy, that was disconcerting.

OPPONENT #3: WEEPINBELL, Lv. 31 (Grass/Poison-type)

CONTENDER #1: MEGA BLAZIKEN, Lv. 39 (Fire/Fighting-type)

He blew his load early, didn't he? Gogoat was the champ and now he's left with Weepinbell? Oh...that's almost sad.

Blaze Kick.  Colon toast.  Plant Badge.

Now I can use Fly outside of battle! Yay! Now I can go back to Santalune Forest and see if I can find a Pikachu...because apparently, I missed that shit entirely.

TM 86: Grass Knot...hurts the opponent the heavier it is? Sounds legit to me.  Venusaur, learn it.  Let's heal up an head out--

MR. BONDING! NO! WAIT! I JUST WANT TO--GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I hate it when he does that...

Greninja, Lv. 42

Lucario, Lv. 42

Venusaur, Lv. 39

Blaziken, Lv. 39

Fletchinder, Lv. 36

Gardevoir, Lv. 34

Badges: 4

P.S. - Lysandre just called me on my goddamned Holo-Caster telling me that Professor Sycamore told him about me being able to wield Mega Evolution.  Just fucking awesome.  Nice going there, Professor.  Fucking perfect.