Sassy Green Princess

Now I think is the appropriate time to head into the Tower of Mastery and conquer whatever awaits me--

Oh, I guess nothing really awaits me other than a bunch of cutscenes.  Eh, I suppose I should have expected as much from this game.  Let me just find a fish tank and...

Wait a second, that statue in the center is of a Mega Lucario! If that's not indicative of Mega Evolution happening very soon, I don't know what is.

And you must be the Mega Evolution guru! Excellent now, I must ask you to hand over whatever--

Oh great...everyone else is here...including Serena and Korrina--who's actually your granddaughter?! Oh shit, if she ends up mega-evolving one of her Pokemon in the gym battle, I will legitimately lose my goddamned mind.

Apparently, Mega Evolution works as such: you need the Mega Stone for the Pokemon who can mega evolve, a Power Key of some kind to activate the stone (you have a Mega Ring, so I'm assuming that's the one I'm going to get), and you combine them during battle; you can only do this to one Pokemon per battle and it only lasts for the duration of the battle.  Shit.  No wonder no one has been using a team like Kangaskhan/Gengar/Ampharos/Blaziken/Gardevoir/Blastoise...because you couldn't be able to mega evolve them all.  So, I have to essentially pick which one I'd want to mega evolve for each battle...does it take a turn, though, or is it an immediate action to mega evolve? I guess I'll find that out once this guy gives me that ring--

So Serena wants the ring, too, eh? I can tell right now that this is going to end up in a "Hey let's battle for it" scenario--

I'm getting really good at predicting this shit.  Alright, who are you sporting, Serena?

So...it's a female Meowstic at Lv. 28, an Absol at Lv. 28, and a Quilladin at Lv. 30.  Sweetheart, I'm gonna show you why this "Hey let's battle for it" attitude isn't healthy.

Firstly, Lucario has been in the front of my team for a while now, especially since I figured I'd have to be fighting in this tower.  You lead off with a Psychic-type who can, in no way, compete with Lucario's Speed...and he knows a pretty nice Ghost-type physical attack.  Shadow Claw is a one-hit knockout.

Then you follow up with the Absol, knowing full well that not only is his Defense atrocious, but you threw him up against a Fighting-type who can now do STAB-damage (which stands for Same Type Attack Bonus) for x3 damage with Force Palm.  And there's your next one-hit knockout.

Finally, Quilladin.  Granted, I have a Fire/Flying-type in my party whom I shall immediately switch to for maximum effectiveness.  Yes, Quilladin is strong defensively and my Fletchinder is strong offensively, but this is the best possible chance your Quilladin will ever have of beating me (since I never intend to send out Greninja against it).  You see, he may be a Grass-type now, but in six levels, he'll be a Grass/Fighting-type, meaning a Flying-type attack will do x6 damage to him if used by the right Flying-type.  And believe you me, I intend to find that Special Attack Flying-type who knows Hurricane to just obliterate you.

For now, Fletchinder will simply stick with Aerial Ace and knock you out within two rounds.

Now that this whole business is concluded, may I please have my Mega Ring--?

I have to beat the Shalour City Gym first? That wasn't a part of the deal, old man! I don't care if she's your granddaughter; you were gonna give that ring up to whoever won this little duel.  Now, your granddaughter gets to test the victor at her gym? Fine.  I will ruin her.

Roller-bitch...

Gotta say, though, this is a really interesting concept for a gym: roller derby rink where you just have to chase down all four trainers before you can even access the leader.  I am really liking the gym designs in this game.

Now Korrina, I know you're very proud of the Pokemon you've raised, and the Fighting-type is a reputable type...but let me let you in on a little secret.

Kirlia just evolved...and your ass now belongs to my sassy green princess.

Gardevoir:  A Psychic/Fairy-type Pokemon.  She will take a quarter of the damage intended to her by any Fighting-type attack.  Granted, her physical Defense is not good, but her Special Attack and Speed are far better than what is needed to hit first and hit so hard that your grandfather will feel it.

Shalour City Gym: Korrina, the Bitch Who Put A Ring On It

I want my Mega Pokemon, skank! Give it up!

OPPONENT #1: MIENFOO, Lv. 29 (Fighting-type)

CONTENDER #1: GARDEVOIR, Lv. 31 (Psychic/Fairy-type)

I know Mienfoo hasn't fully evolved yet, so I think I can take this thing out with a single attack--

Mienfoo's Fake Out hits first for 11 damage and causes Gardevoir to flinch! Oh, you bitch!

The Confusion that should have hit last turn hits this turn and knocks that little weasel out in one shot.  Who else you got, girl? Gonna send in your Lucarios yet? You only have two more Pokemon left and it doesn't look like you're gonna send them out...which would have been the wise choice.

OPPONENT #2: MACHOKE, Lv. 28 (Fighting-type)

Oh, I am not switching for this fucker.

CONTENDER #1: GARDEVOIR, Lv. 31 (Psychic/Fairy-type)

Another Confusion attack and Machoke drops like a sack of hammers.

OPPONENT #3: HAWLUCHA, Lv. 32 (Fighting/Flying-type)

Now that's an interesting choice.  I guess that means I should go with--

CONTENDER #1: GARDEVOIR, Lv. 31 (Psychic/Fairy-type)

Fuck you.  Hone Claws will not help you in time, my friend.

Gardevoir smacks that fucker upside the head with Confusion and brings it down to less than 1/4 heath, and the Hawlucha is confused on top of that.  This won't end well for you; even if you get a hit in, I'm sending in Venusaur to clean up after you.

A Hyper Potion? Honestly now, Korrina...honestly now.

Confusion hits harder than before and knocks Hawlucha down for the count.

And that, my dear Korrina, is checkmate.

I'll be taking that Rumble Badge, the ability to use Surf outside of battle, the obedience of all Pokemon up to Lv. 50, the Power-Up Punch TM--

And no Mega Ring?! What the fuck game are you playing, Korrina?! I have to battle you again at the top of the Tower of Mastery?! No! That shit is not flying by me! NO! I WILL FUCKING END YOU!

GURU! Get the fuck out of my way, I have to kick the shit out of your granddaughter!

Climbing this tower, picking up the TM for Low Sweep (which will be dirty as hell for Combusken to learn), and preparing to knock the helmet off this bitch--

Oh! So now you're just gonna hand over the Mega Ring? Is that how it is? Well bitch, the time for pleasantries has passed--

Wait...I have to battle you...using your Lucario...against your other Lucario? What the hell--?

Oh my god, you snuck me into a tutorial on Mega Evolution, didn't you? Oh, fuck you.

Seriously, that's fucked.  And my Lucario's probably better! Come on! Lemme switch them--!

I CAN'T USE ANY OTHER POKEMON?!?! FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUCK!

Okay, he knows Power-Up Punch, Metal Sound, Swords Dance, and Bone Rush.  Not bad, but we're going to mega evolve and get this shit over with--

And I get to chose an attack, too? It IS an immediate action! Yay, good news!

Not gonna lie, this shit is pretty sweet and Mega Lucario looks boss as hell.  But of course, this is almost scripted for you to win, so after two swift Power-Up Punches, her Mega Lucario falls and I defeat Korrina--

Her...her Lucario wants to come with me? I...but I have one.  I EV-trained it.  It's awesome...but it will not be denied.  Lucario forever, sluts...Lucario forever.

But with a Hasty nature, it's not worth holding onto.  Sorry if that tugs on any heartstrings, but the Wonder Trade is cool and I need PC-box space.  If you want to try to find him and give him a nice home...

...his name is Anubis.

And the Wonder Trade has given me in exchange...

A Lv. 30 Sneasel from Japan.  Hey! That's actually really fitting: an Arturo for a Jess...

Sneasel:  A Dark/Ice-type Pokemon.  I have no idea when I'm gonna be able to first find an Ice-type Pokemon that is worth using in the long run, so Sneasel will work.  Very good Attack, but the Naive nature may prove problematic if it's going to hinder its Special Defense.  But hey, that's what Everstones are for, am I right?

I just have to do one thing before I move on...

OHMYGODILOVEMEGAGODDAMNEDVENUSAUR!!!!!!

Greninja, Lv. 39

Lucario, Lv. 38

Venusaur, Lv. 35

Gardevoir, Lv. 30

Fletchinder, Lv. 30

Combusken, Lv. 30

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