Mega Goddamned Venusaur

So, I suppose Route 12 would be the next place to venture forth, but I know there was this guy looking for something around Shalour City.  I wonder if he can give me any more information about what he was looking for--

Oh...the Intriguing Stone that Tierno gave me.  Great.  So I'm a thief now? Dude, you can take this back, I don't want it--

A Sun Stone! I DO want that! That will evolve a Helioptile into Heliolisk, which would be baller as hell.

And just before I walk through the gateway to Route 12, Serena, the good sport that she is, hands me the HM 03.  I can now teach Surf to my Greninja and ruin the lives of millions.  Let's go upwards and onwards, froggy-bro and company!

Dude just chilling out, minding his own business, talking 'bout Lapras--

YES I WANT YOUR LAPRAS! GIVE ME YOUR LAPRAS! Granted, I have to go back to the Pokemon Center and leave a party slot open to receive it, but it's worth it!

Lapras:  A Water/Ice-type Pokemon.  Very useful, high-health Pokemon.  Sturdy enough to withstand any Water-type, Ice-type, Grass-type, Fire-type, or Fighting-type move; can obliterate Fire, Flying, Grass, and especially Ground.  Love this fella.  All about HP and Special Defense, making it an ocean Snorlax.

There is plenty of tall grass around here, so let's get to catching them new Pokemons.

So, the first thing I encounter is a horde of Tauros with a Miltank, so we know there are some definitely new encounters here, but I would really prefer to catch on a one-on-one basis, since that shit is way easier than whittling down the crowd to just get to the one you want.

Ooh, an Exeggcute! Those are really rather nice when they evolve, and they've got a fairly unique typing.  Join me, egg-folk!

Exeggcute:  A Grass/Psychic Pokemon.  They aren't particularly impressive on their own, but when they evolved into Exeggutor in earlier generations, their Special stat exploded and made them an unbreakable wall.  That defensive capacity has been nerfed pretty severely since Special got split into Special Attack and Special Defense and since attacks have been broken down more thoroughly to determine what constitutes a physical or special attack, but Exeggutor's Special Attack is still pretty high and he gets a great move pool, so I'm glad to have him.

Aww, and a Chatot! I don't know much about these guys, but I'm willing to give him a shot--

Killed it.  Whoops.  Gardevoir is a bit of a powerhouse, ain't she--

Hey, another one! This one is actually kicking Gardevoir's ass because I'm being careful.  Maybe it'll be more effective to use MEGA GODDAMNED VENUSAUR--!!!

And I killed it again.  Shit.  Need a new plan to catch those things.

A PACHIRISU!!! SO HELP ME IF I CAN'T CATCH THIS THING...

BOOM! Yeah!

Pachirisu:  An Electric-type Pokemon.  Essentially, you're looking at a cross between Pikachu and Rattata.  Nothing overwhelming, but a very unexpectedly simple Pokemon to train with a pretty nice Special Defense.  Want to know how to fight with a Pachirisu? Make things love you, then bite and shock the bastards--

A Slowpoke! Slowpoke can either be a Slowbro or a Slowking...but he must be Slowmine!

Slam, bam, thank you, ma'am!

Slowpoke:  A Water/Psychic-type Pokemon.  I can't begin to express how useful these guys are.  If you want to work on a strong Attack/Defense Pokemon, evolve it into Slowbro.  If you prefer stronger Special Attack/Special Defense, go for a Slowking.  Either way, you got a dumb-ass-a-stump Bastille that your opponents have to try to storm before they can get to you.

CHRIST IN A BISCUIT! HERACROSS! Gardevoir...you need to make smart choices here...Magical Leaf should serve you well--

Wow is that shit weak.  I might need to switch Pokemon...Mega Goddamned Venusaur?

Alright, you've weakened it, poisoned it, and I have a Net Ball, which is very good at catching Bug-type and Water-type Pokemon.  This better do it...

BAZAM! MINE!

Heracross:  A Bug/Fighting-type Pokemon.  Arguably one of the best Pokemon ever created, and easily the most powerful Bug-type Pokemon in the game.  His Attack is spectacular, his Special Defense and Speed and darn good, and the only thing that can crush him like a speck is a physical Flying-type attack...but as long as you don't bring him into a fight when that shit can come out, any Psychic-type, Dark-type, or Steel-type Pokemon you come across will be swiftly made a bitch of the Heracross.

Let's just heal everyone up and make sure that we're not being idiots and missing anything vital here.  Anything useful from the mart? 15 more Ultra Balls should be enough--I can buy Ultra Balls this early in the game?! Holy shits.  Well, if I run into more shinies, then that will be useful.

Oh, and hey, there's a Cut bush here.  Better leave it to the beaver.

An Aspear Berry? Oh, that heals freezing! That will be a good thing to grow.

Okay, a quick healing session and back to the route.  Let's look for those cows we saw earlier, guys.

Hey, there's another Chatot.  Can we actually catch this thing, or is this gonna be another murder?

This thing does NOT WANT TO BE CAUGHT! CHRIST, GET IN THE BALL!

That's it, I'm throwing the Ultra Ball--!

HOW DOES THAT NOT WORK?!? GET THE FUCK IN THERE YOU SHIT!!! Nest Ball, maybe? It does have an advantage in catching lower-level Pokemon...

THERE! FUCKING FINALLY!

Chatot:  A Normal/Flying-type Pokemon.  I...I don't even know why I caught him other than the fact that he has eluded me for so long.

Okay, enough with the Slowpoke.  Give me the cows.

A Tauros! That's what I'm talking about!

...but I killed it.  Okay...maybe Gardevoir isn't the best option here.  Let's try putting her in the PC for a while and let's pull back Helioptile.  He'd be able to paralyze wild Pokemon as well as weaken them and that should help some.

Ah ha! Miltank! A formidable foe since Generation-II...but no match for one who can keep you paralyzed! Come to me!

Miltank:  A Normal-type Pokemon.  This thing is an abomination; Whitney's Miltank from Gold and Silver was able to destroy your hopes and dreams with a set of four moves that, for a long time, GameFreak never bothered to change because of its power: Milk Drink heals the user, Attract prevents opponents of the opposite gender from attacking, Stomp could potentially make the opponent flinch, and Rollout attacked for five turns and increased power after ever consecutive hit.  This thing comes in like a wrecking ball and doesn't leave until it wipes out everything you love.

A horde...OF MAREEP?!?!? Oh shit! Okay...think...how am I gonna do this? A Quick Attack will take one out almost instantly...so I can narrow the field quickly with Helioptile until there's only one left--hey, it didn't kill that one! Now, if I use Parabolic Charge, it won't be very effective, but I can clean house very easily.

Okay...one left, less than half health, very low level.  Great Ball, go...

YES! Another Electric-type for me!

Mareep:  An Electric-type Pokemon.  This fella was a must-catch for me in Gold and Silver because Electric-types were still not incredibly common early in the game.  Sure, you could pick up a Magnemite, Voltorb, or an Electabuzz once you got into Kanto, but by then it was too late to make a lasting team impact.  But this little guy gets to Mega Evolve when he becomes Ampharos and then...he becomes an Electric/Dragon-type, which is a typing only shared by one other Pokemon and that was a legendary Pokemon introduced in Generation-V.  Long overdue typing and a powerhouse to say the least.

Still need that Tauros, though, before I'm prepared to move on--and there it is! Helioptile, do your thing--

Oh, shit, the thing knows Rest.  We're back at square-one.  Maybe a few Parabolic Charges to heal yourself, weaken him, and keep him asleep.  That'll work better than paralysis anyway.

Worked like a charm.  Shamma-lamma ding-dong.

Tauros:  A Normal-type Pokemon.  A first-gen Swiss Army knife.  You can still train this thing to know almost any move, including Fire Blast, Blizzard, Surf, Thunder, and Earthquake.  Fighting-types are the only real way to take this thing down reliably, but through tutoring, it can even learn the Psychic-type move Zen Headbutt, so watch out if your opponent throws a Tauros your way.

Now that all that's been settled (very productive route, by the way), let's explore onward into the vast waters of Azure Bay! Well...it's not the bay itself, per se, but it's the same water.

A Tentacool of my own without a ridiculous nickname? I will gladly catch you.

And a Mantyke? Aww...you're just cute as a button.  I can't use Helioptile to utterly destroy you, so I need to switch to Mega Goddamned Venusaur...sans Mega.

Perfect choice to weaken it.  Now I'll switch back to Helioptile to paralyze it and...he is incredibly tough to catch, but an Ultra Ball did the trick.

Mantyke:  A Water/Flying-type Pokemon.  Another wonderful choice for an aquatic HM slave, but somehow more endearing.  It will only evolve if I catch a Remoraid and put it in the party, but eh, I'm not really gonna bother with him just yet.

Short hop over the water and I find myself at a Skiddo ranch...and a little kid gives me the Attract TM? With a female Gardevoir, I think that will be amazing.  Can't hit me if you love me, am I right?

Okay, let's just take a look around and--

I CAN RIDE THE SKIDDO! WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! But it takes me nowhere and I can see items strewn about this island that I'm fairly certain that I want--more Cut bushes?! Bibarel, get back here! There are bushes!

Leftovers! That shit is useful! It heals the Pokemon every round! I finally have Leftovers for my Snorlax!

And a Water Stone! Not sure what I have besides and Eevee that could use that, but it's good to have nonetheless--

Wait...there are wild Lapras?! Oh come on! I didn't know that!!!

Oh...I've accidentally stumbled into Coumarine City and got challenged to a battle by Serena in front of the gym.  Shit, how do I get those items? Maybe via Skiddo?

HEY, I CAN JUMP OVER SHIT ON A SKIDDO! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Whipped Dream? I...I don't know what that is.  Is that a gay bar?

And a Shiny Stone? That's...that's an evolution stone, right? What...what evolves with that?

Togetic to Togekiss, Roselia to Roserade, Minccino to Cinccino, and Floette to Florges.  Not bad.

And finally...another Sachet?! What are these things?!

Oh...I need this to evolve my Spritzee into an Aromatisse.  Ah...I see now.

Okay, Coumarine City it is, then--

A DWEBBLE! IT LIVED IN THE ROCKS! I SMASHED THE ROCK AND THERE IT WAS!

Dwebble:  A Bug/Rock-type Pokemon.  One of the few Bug-type Pokemon with legitimate resistances.  It can counter it's weakness to Fire and attack Flying-types with it's added Rock-type.  Plus, as a Rock-type, it gets a damned good Defense.  I like it!

Good beaver! What else are in the rocks? Soft Sand! Revives! Good job! Still won't use you in battle, though.

Greninja, Lv. 41

Lucario, Lv. 40

Venusaur, Lv. 38

Fletchinder, Lv. 34

Combusken, Lv. 34

Bibarel, Lv. 24

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