I think the gym leader is this way, but that's so weird...I'm on Route 22. Does that make sense? I better check the map.
Hold on...it says that this way is the way to get to Victory Road. That's not right. I should be going to Route 4 if I want to find the gym leader. Which will take me...
Back to her? But this is the only--
Oh. She's blocking your progress until you beat the gym. But where the hell is the--?!
Say, I think this chick zoomed passed me as I was entering the town. If I beat her in a Pokemon battle, I get the roller-skates!
She only had a Zigzagoon. There is no pity.
Oh...she was...standing...in front of the gym.
I feel...I feel so dumb. Well, Route 22 is here, so I might as well explore. You know, train a bit, see what kind of Pokemon are out there.
Wow, a lot of variety now! Psyduck, Farfetch'd, Azurill, even Litleo. Nothing I really need, though--
Bidoof: A Normal-type Pokemon. The fucking dumbest-looking, weakest, most irritating Pokemon ever invented. Literally a target of hate-tempests all throughout the fandom.
I am catching you. Not to use you to fight...but you will be my HM slave. A Bibarel is the ultimate HM slave, and that is what you shall be. Directly into the PC you go. I don't care if I haven't even caught a full party's worth of Pokemon yet. I won't use you until I am guaranteed a swift evolution from your dumb beaver self.
I guess I can check out the gym now. Nothing much else to do.
This is the gym from the trailer! Yay! And it looks like an octagonal direction-puzzle in the pattern of a spider web! That's so cool! I--
The water droplets lead the way through? Are you fucking kidding me?! WHERE IS THE CHALLENGE?!
My birdies are making short work of this gym full of one-Pokemon chumps, so I guess I'll just head back to the Pokemon Center and heal up my--
How do you climb back up the rope?
...
...
...
Holy shit, you can't get out. I...I think I found the challenge. Gulp.
So, you must be Viola, huh? Considering that you have a camera and the gym leader is a photographer, I'd say that's a fair assumption.
Let's go, slut.
Santalune City Gym: Viola, the Photo-Bitch
Oh, for fuck's sake, I have to change the format of the breakdowns again, since there's no uniform images for all the Pokemon yet in the 3DS renderings. Okay, let's give a throwback to "Return to Red" and work the format based off contenders and not rounds. That should work.
OPPONENT #1: SURSKIT, Lv.10 (Water/Bug-type)
CONTENDER #1: PIDGEY, Lv. 11
Pidgey should be more than enough to handle him. If not, I've got Fletching in waiting. I don't want to use Torchic here because this fucker probably knows a Water-type move.
After this thing opens with a Bubble attack, Pidgey's got about half health left. Keep in mind, we've been through an entire gym of trainers first, so it didn't really do a whole lot of damage truth be told.
Gust, however, did. Now Surskit has only half health.
It replies with Quick Attack and Pidgey is down to 14/32 HP. I want him to level, so Surskit better not beat Pidgey.
Another Gust and Surskit is in the deep red. Now, if this game is true to the precedent, then--
Potion. Yep. Thanks, Viola. Doesn't heal Surskit fully, so I can take advantage of this.
Gust brings him down to about 25% health. We can do this, Pidgey.
Damn, that Bubble hit critically, but Pidgey still has 2 HP left. Time to knock this fucker out.
Gust. K.O. BOOM! What you got now?
OPPONENT #2: VIVILLON, Lv. 12 (Bug/Flying-type)
CONTENDER #1: TORCHIC, Lv. 12
This is where Torchic is going to shine like a diamond.
Vivillon hits with...Infestation? What the fuck is that shit? It acts kind of like poisoning or burning, but there's no status attached to it. Weird.
Ember hits and takes away 1/3 of the butterfly's health. Yeah. SPEED BOOST!
Vivillon uses...Tackle. Because this isn't anything important like a gym battle or anything.
Ember again to take Vivillon into the red. SPEED BOOST!
Ember again, fucker! Knockout! Victory!
Yay! First badge...Bug Badge. Now, will that bitch let me pass?
This answers nothing--
The professor is in Lumiose City? This route heads there! I want to go to there!
Something for me?
Oh...oh, things have become very nice now.
Hedge-mazes and tall, flowery grass. Let's see what's in store for me...
Combee! If there's Combee, that must mean there's a female one out there, meaning I could get a Vespiquen! I want one of those! This one's male, though.
So is this one...
And this one...
Male...
Fuck, this is tiresome.
Fuck.
FUCK.
GODDAMN IT, HAVE LADY-PARTS!
FEMALE!!!! Caught it!
Combee: A Bug/Flying-type Pokemon. I've never used one before, but apparently, Vespiquen is a defensive monster that learns some pretty sweet attacks. Come along for the ride, little one!
Also, just so we're clear, this wasn't the only Pokemon I've encountered on this route.
I caught me a Flabebe!
Flabebe: A Fairy-type Pokemon. I have no clue what this does or why it's useful...but people have been talking some serious business about Fairy-types, so if it turns out to be kick-ass, then I'll breed it..
Granted, I don't plan on using this Fairy-type because, as I just recently discovered...
Ralts has become a Psychic/Fairy-type. And I found a female, so we're gonna get ourselves some Gardevoir action up in here.
Ralts: A Psychic/Fairy-type Pokemon. I didn't use it much at all in Emerald, but they'd become the new Alakazams in Gen-III because they're pretty fast and downright powerful. And since this is a Fairy-type as well, it can seriously fuck up Fighting-types, Dark-types, and especially Dragon-types. Also, because it is capable of Mega Evolution, she might stay with me all the way through to the end of the game.
Holy hell, I've caught enough Pokemon to fill a team! I think that's a good place to take a breather for now: at the capture of my seventh Pokemon.
Yep...my seventh Pokemon.
I've just gotta put Flabebe into the PC, and I'll be...
I'll be all set with my...
YOU DON'T FUCKING COUNT, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
Torchic, Lv. 15
Froakie, Lv. 13
Pidgey, Lv. 13
Fletchling, Lv. 13
Combee, Lv. 9
Ralts, Lv. 8
Pokedex: 8, Badges: 1
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